Playing House

Now readers I am at that age where it would be safe to presume that I might live on my own. Just like people could presume I was married, with children, a good job and a few friends. But the living alone thing is probably more plausible let’s face it. Now I have always thought that I would like living alone, because for most of us living with other people is just a pain in the arse. You walk downstairs into what was a perfectly clean kitchen to find it has been desecrated by the heathens you live with. Or at 3 in the morning you need a wee, too much tea before bed again, and half asleep, with eyes pretty much shut, you sit your bare arse down on the loo. But because you live with three boys the loo seat seems to have gone missing and you are brutally awoken by the awful reality that you are in fact stuck down the shitter with cold water brushing against your inner thighs. One of the many positives to living with men. If I ever get married, I will be having my own bathroom, in fact I may just have a separate house.

So anyway, I was spending a few days alone in my aunt’s home. They had all skipped merrily off to the city of love, Paris. That name was soon to be tarnished by the screaming my aunt was going to inflict upon it. Soon it would be known as the city of hearing aids. So I ended my day with a cup of tea, a few biscuits (packets) and The White Queen, lots of blood, people in bad outfits and questionable staging. I brushed my teeth, shut all the curtains, turned off the lights and got into bed. I closed my eyes and the deathly silence that filled the house started to play tricks. But I knew it was just me so I tried harder to sleep. Now this is when living with three boys comes in handy, any noise being made is always them. I heard something, or as my imagination was inflicting upon me, someone, tapping at my window. So I did what any respectable, mature, intelligent 22 year old would do. I hid under my covers and hoped it would go away. You know the people you scream at in horror movies who don’t leave the house and have all the lights off? That evening I proved myself to be one of those idiots. Now as my mind was racing, firmly under the covers I looked out and saw what had been troubling me, a moth. A large moth!! So I did the humane thing and let it into the open air, where in all likelihood it would be eaten by some kind of bird.

So if any of you are like me and want a clean house and not to fall down the loo but don’t want to live alone, either find equally clean people to live with or hire a cleaner. Problem solved x